So Olivia...: Archive

WWJD? →

So Olivia, WWJD? Well, it’s a lot easier to “love thy neighbor” if you have a lot less neighbors. Jesus approved! -Not Olivia

Apr 13th

The More Stereotypes, The Better →

So Olivia, Uptowners are just the worst. They take their presence as a privilege upon the world, as if they’re holier than God’s shit. But JJ Barea isn’t just an uptowner. He’s also an NBA player. But he lives in the shadows of the NBA where stardom never shines, yet the tress are still filled with money and easy groupies. Without the responsibility of the spotlight, but...

Apr 11th

Two words. Sofa Fort. →

So Olivia… Two words. Sofa Fort. And if you don’t know what that is, you’re half dead to me. Seriously. All I’ll recognize is the left side. And I’m not even sure that’s the good side. Deal with it. -Not Olivia

Jan 29th

I see London, I see France, please put on some... →

So Olivia… Yay! London. The first time I ever heard of London was when I was a toddler. My mom would hold both of my tiny child hands, then we would spin around. “London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down.” We’d skip counter clockwise. I tried my best to go as fast as I can, chasing the high of my brain swirling around, buoyant on smart fluid. My mom would...

Jan 27th

We all come from the same place... someone's... →

So Olivia… Every now and then, we need help. We need a time when someone needs to sit you down, look you straight in the eye, take your hand, and tell you the God honest truth. “Olivia, even though we’re different that doesn’t mean we can’t be cordial. Believe it or not, all of us share something important. We all come from the same place… someone’s...

Jan 26th

Harrison Ford has two last names. →

So Olivia… I can understand your excitement for Harrison Ford. He’s a movie star. He’s handsome. Plus he has the voice that’ll take you away to a 17th century barn, tear at your corset and play the scene of many favorite romance novels. Thrashing of clothes? Yes please! But to me, he’s just another old dude whose career might be circling in apathy. Now, all I find...

Jan 7th

How Wicked is more interesting than the Bible →

So Olivia… Look. I know the Bible is the most influential book in history. I know it is one the most read books in the annals of history. And it’s the source and the doctrine I know half a world’s religion. But hear me out. Wicked has something the Bible doesn’t have. I’m not talking about flying monkeys and fancy witches but something more meaningful, more esoteric....

Jan 5th

A new year, A new skill, A new food post →

So Olivia… Hey, it’s been awhile. Anyway I appreciate your Imovie skills in the these videos you have been posting. I believe this makes it the millionth video you have made about food. OK. I think we get it. Food is awesome. I hate to play the role of movie studio exec, but I think you have more than enough potential to do more than food. OK, I lied. I love to play the role of studio...

Jan 4th

You can't spell "obstetrician" without "bacon". →

So Olivia… I think you just made it too easy for me this time. I mean c’mon. Cravings. Avocado. Cake. Bacon. You’re basically handing me the launch code to a pregnancy/food joke hydrogen bomb. But I’m not going to use it. Nope. Mainly, because I’ve already touched on these topics before in my previous posts. And I don’t like doubling up on subjects against the...

Nov 19th

City named Austin: good. Stripper named Austin:... →

So Olivia… I think we get it. You love Austin. Guess what? So does everyone who’s been there. That’s what Austin does. Austin is the free oasis standing in the corporate oil desert that is Texas. Most of the props should go to that fine round ass I like to call the University of Texas at Austin. It’s one of the biggest campuses in America and happens to create some of the...

Nov 17th

Your Pinkberry is my Zooey Deschanel. →

So Olivia… Yogurt by the ounce has taken control. Actually, I submit we can measure the time we have on this earth by what we like to eat. It’s starts off with Happy meals, then IHOP, then Keggers, then wine bars, and now you are at Pinkberry or other similar yogurt by the ounce dispensaries. Congratulations, you are almost 24. But once you start craving kitschy themed chain...

Nov 13th

Love is great. So is bacon. →

So Olivia… Awww. You love Katherine. *squeal* Love is great. So is bacon. Don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying that love and bacon are equal. I’m just saying they are both great in their own special way. Love can fill your life. Bacon can fill your stomach. Love can make you happy. Bacon can make you hungry. Love can make you cry. Bacon you can fry. Love can consume...

Nov 11th

Let them eat cake err.... red lobster! →

So Olivia… Wow. Lobster for dinner. You must be living the high bourgeois lifestyle. Though you don’t wear a petticoat, lounge through the labyrinths of Versailles, or have servants offering courses of gluttony beside the vomitorium, you do wear a Dunder Mifflin shirt, pay a mortgage on a 3-story townhouse, and eat a red lobster for dinner. Unfortunately, not all of us are as blessed...

Nov 10th

I don't think traveling is such a good idea. →

So Olivia… I don’t think traveling is such a good idea. Well, at least traveling to all those places isn’t. Let’s run through the list: - australia (sydney/queensland) - too Warm Canadian-y - new zealand - too lord of the rings-y - peru (machu picchu) - too pokemon-y - phuket, thailand - too horny - costa rica - too Mexican-y - paris - too angry Canadian-y - london...

Nov 9th